I know I’m not the only one who does this but you know when you have this like boundary around you when you’re sitting at a table or a desk that only you are allowed to be in
And then someone or something that isn’t yours
gets in that space
and you just
Holy fuck finally someone who understands
Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends
if u ask me to go to the park and just swing on swings with u there is 98% chance i will say yes and swing for 5 hours do not test me
i love laughing about the friend zone because it’s so dumb like you know most of those dudes aren’t even IN the “friend zone” they’re in the “ugh god not this dude again” zone
"Right after I lost vision in my eye, I was so bad at walking that I ran into a girl eating ice cream, and knocked her cone out of her hand. She screamed: ‘Are you blind!?!?’ I turned to her and said: ‘I am blind actually, I’m so sorry, I’ll buy you a new cone.’ And she said: ‘Oh my God! I’m so sorry! Don’t worry! It’s no problem at all! I’ll buy another one.’ So we walked into the ice cream store together, and the clerk said: ‘I heard the whole thing. Ice cream is free.’"
Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was, “is it better to use “had” or “had had” in this example sentence?”
The teacher collected the tests, and looked over their answers.
James, while John had had “had”, had had “had had.” “Had had” had had a better effect on the teacher.
welcome to the english language
OH MY GOD THIS CARD
NEED MONEY FOR COLLEGE
NEED COLLEGE FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR MONEY
WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS SYSTEM
NEED EXPERIENCE FOR JOB
NEED JOB TO GET EXPERIENCE
NEED CAR FOR JOB
NEED JOB FOR CAR
GOTTA EAT TO LIVE
GOTTA STEAL TO EAT
TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I GOT THE TIME
ONE JUMP AHEAD OF THE SLOWPOKES
ONE SKIP AHEAD OF MY DOOM
NEXT TIME GOTTA USE A NOM DE PLUME
It got better
We’re adults and we get to decide what that means: The Home Depot Edition
If an intruder ever comes to fucking murder you. You throw your mother fucking head back pull your arms in weird shapes and whip your head forward again and say the anti crist has awoken whilst smiling the biggest smile you have ever made. no smart person would ever fuck around with you if you did that.
STOP REBLOGGING THIS PLEASE ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFFFEEE
People should only update their Facebook statuses with great stories like this one.
That was wild
When tree branches get in my way
Vine by: Logan Paul
How we manage to cram such genius in 6 seconds is beyond me. This is art.
So every morning I get off the train and start my 20 minute walk to work, and there’s this guy who’s always like 3 steps ahead of me and always beats me to the street corner bc I get stopped by the light and he passes it. but today I was ahead of him for the first time and he RUNS in front of me, turns around and goes “I’ve been winning for 2 months now, can’t stop now, have a good day, see you tomorrow.” tmrw I swear i’m wearing running shoes to work.
Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?